Crushed

Years ago when I was in junior high, my English Literature class had been assigned a research paper. Of course this meant an exciting Saturday at the Public Library with our index cards at the ready.

When I got to the Library, I was a bit nervous because I had found out that a cute guy was coming with the rest of the group and yes, I had a secret crush on that guy. We were friends and even took piano lessons from the same teacher and we were both voracious readers, but I'm positive he didn't know that I had such a big crush on him.

Anyway, so there we all were, shuffling to and from the card catalog with our rubber banded packs of index cards. We were all basically hurrying to finish up our research so that we could sit and whisper quietly until our parents came and picked us up. Getting time out of the house on a Saturday was pretty cool, except for the research stuff.

I finally finished pulling resources and listing everything on my cards and sat down at a table where a couple of my girl friends were already seated. One of my friends saw someone she knew and invited her to come sit with us. We were all introduced and I thought to myself how pretty this girl was and how she seemed to really be smart and funny.

A couple of minutes later, "my crush" cruised by and spotted the new girl at our table. Down he sat, eager to be introduced. The new girl grinned and continued with her story which involved her saying, "So the next day, we had to go to Temple...". All of a sudden, my eyes got big and I blurted out, "Temple? Are you a Jew?" The next second, "my crush" whipped his head around and practically spat at me in anger, "Yes, she's a Jew! What's the matter with you? Is there something wrong with her being a Jew?!"

Of course, everyone sat there stunned. First, at my admittedly ill-timed and inappropriate question, but secondly at how vicious the boy's response was. I could feel my face turning hot and the tears were fast welling up in my eyes. I tried to stutter out that I had only asked because I had never had the opportunity to meet someone who was Jewish and that of course there was nothing wrong with her being a Jew. But he wouldn't even let me speak and actually told me to just "Shut up! You're so stupid!"

At that point, I knew it was useless. He wasn't going to listen and neither would anyone else. I just stood up, gathered my books and materials and left. No one bothered to tell me I didn't have to go, to forget it. Everyone was embarrassed and everyone was assuming that I was some sort of racist Jew-hater, which couldn't have been further from the truth.

See, I was raised in a Southern Baptist home and had gone to church my entire life. The people who were recorded in the Old Testament, the Jews, were just as real to me as George Washington and Abraham Lincoln. I had been taught that the Jews were God's Chosen People, and yes, I knew about the horrors of The Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me then, or ever, to look down on someone because they were Jewish. To me, that would have been the same as saying I looked down on Jesus, because he was a Jew himself! It had been exciting to me to think that I was going to actually get to talk to someone who for all I knew, could have been related to King David. Gosh, these were the people God brought out of Egypt. God spoke to these people! In fact, when I was much younger, I believed that because Jesus said we would be like him, that he meant we would all turn into Jews so instead of telling people I had become a Christian, I told people that I had become a Jew. My dad had to talk me out of that one.

I never got the opportunity to explain any of that to that poor girl, and I never had the chance to explain it to my friends and especially the guy who had cut me down so hurtfully. It still hurts me today to think that they thought I was trying to put that girl down. Nothing could have been further from the truth.